Tuesday, December 20, 2005

information super-Highway Bloggery

A few months ago I had several people leave SPAM in the comments section of several of my blog entries. The reason this really ripped me was because they were - wait for it! - Life Coaches.

They read my entries and left remarks in which they sold their own services, offered classes, etc. Some were very blatant, others were much more subtle but they were clearly advertisements, nonetheless.

I won't waste my time telling you what I think of the ethics and level of professionalism of these individuals, who call themselves coaches. I mean really, who would want to hire someone who advertises themselves through someone else's work rather than taking the time to develop their own site?

So, for a few months I was not allowing any comments on my blog. But now, you may once again leave comments on the postings. You will, however, have to take one extra step which is to type in a word that will come up in a rather cryptic way. I'm sure you've done them before.

Hopefully this will keep out the unimaginative parasites who are unable to create their own voice and presence. We'll see, anyway.

Christmas... are we having fun yet?


In my experience, the people who feel let down, resentful and even sad at the end of the holiday season are those who celebrate Christmas Day.

"WHAT?" I can hear you all the way over here!

It's true. Pinning all your hopes for fun, gaiety, cheer, quality family time, and looking for a good return on your shopping/preparing investment, places an unrealistic demand on the day that, in all likelihood, can't be realized. We might not even be aware that we're doing it. But each time we grumble about shopping lines, traffic jams, someone's bad behaviour, late deliveries, etc., we are unconsciously telling Christmas Day that it better come through with a good payoff for all this aggravation we're suffering in the name of Christmas.

What I have found is that the people who enjoy the holidays most are the ones who celebrate the holiday season. Some may start with the Solstice, lighting candles, bringing greens into the house, decorating the tree. Christmas shopping becomes a date with a friend, partner, or kids and often includes lunch or dinner. The difference is that all the preparations become occasions in their own right, rather than Christmas Day being the occasion itself. There's more behind those Twelve Days of Christmas than swimming swans, leaping lords, milking maids and golden rings, it seems!

Deciding how much money you're going to spend on each gift, how you'll choose to give the gifts (Chinese Auction, family grab bag, Secret Santa are just a few) can also be an occasion for a seasonal family get-together. Planning and shopping for the Christmas dinner can also be its own occasion. Forgoing regular supermarket aisles for speciality shops can make shopping feel like an occasion.

I suppose it's like any other process/outcome situation: The process offers its own beauty, value and gifts - which can be overlooked when we're focused only on the outcome.
So, rather focusing on the day itself, imbuing those 12 hours or so with the expectation that all the shopping, planning, cooking, baking, decorating and hopes for family peace will harmoniously converge for a 12 hour amazing, glossy-magazine, Kodak-moment Christmas experience...try making a celebration of the entire season, rather than treating it like a dress rehearsal for the "real" thing.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

What living life on purpose means...One woman's thoughts


I talk a lot about "living life on purpose", and I thought it might be a good idea to explain exactly what I mean when I say it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To me, we're living our lives on purpose when we live our lives with intention and mindfulness, rather than operating out of "default mode".

In computer-speak, default mode is a programmed response to repeated input: you don't have to make a choice, you're pre-programmed and "good to go". We don't stop and question the situation in front of us or our patterned response to it.

A good example of that is something I think most of us have experienced at one time or another: Think of a time when you were driving and suddenly realized you didn't remember passing the familiar landmarks necessary to get where you are because you were on auto-pilot or in default mode. Your mind was somewhere else, and your driving became an out-of-body experience. Yikes! What's worse is that some people lives their lives that way.

When we live your life on purpose we are:
  • Creating goals or intentions that lead to a fulfilling life of contentment and meaning
  • Aware that every action we take and decision we make with either bring us closer to or move us further away from the life we desire
  • Present to the moments of our lives.

Remember the driving metaphor above? Well, if life is a journey, we can choose not only the destination, but how we're going to get there!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Back Again!


It's been a long time since I've made an entry, and I'm ready to be back. It's been a busy Autumn - I've been in Maine since October with trips to Canada, Dallas and Connecticut to keep me connected and on my toes in between planning workshops and working with clients here in the States. All in all, time has flown and....

The holidays are here, aren't they? I've made a conscious decision this year not to get "hooked" by all the commercialism and stress that has become the real Hallmark of the season. I got so annoyed when businesses started advertising their Christmas sales in early October in an effort to compete with fuel bills, and ensure their profit margins. The message was to buy your Christmas presents then and go in debt to pay for your fuel bills later. Bah Humbug!

Anyway, one of the things I've been working on with a colleague of mine is a gentle holiday survival guide we're calling The Twelve Days of Calmness. I've also been working on Living Your Life On Purpose Newsletter, the newsletter I've been threatening to launch for several months now. If you'd like to subscribe to this free newsletter, just e-mail me at mgblifecoach@yahoo.com and put "subscribe" in the subject box.

This first issue has some great information about the Winter Solstice and some thought-provoking questions. If you subscribe, I'll also send you a copy of Twelve Days...my gift to you in an effort to spread CALM throughout this holiday season.

Well, that's me done for now. I think in my next blog, probably on Thursday, I'll explain what I mean by Living Your Life on Purpose.

'Til then, be well.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Go Ahead...I Dare You!






"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." (Audre Lorde)


“Go on – I dare you!”

Do you remember that childhood challenge?

Those words from the right bully or best friend could push us to do scary, unthinkable things…jump from crazy places, eat unspeakable things, venture into places we’d never dreamed. The vision, the desire to meet the challenge, sprouted up and grew right alongside our biggest fears. But somehow we got past our fear and went for it – we tried.


We jumped as high, ran as fast, swallowed as hard and swam as far as we could. We tapped into a hidden strength and felt a power we didn’t know we had until someone said, “I dare you.” We pushed ourselves through a limit, and then we saw ourselves in a new way. We became the Person Who Tried or The Person Who Did It. And magically, we were changed. Even though we thought we couldn’t. Even though we were scared.

What about now? Is there something you’d love to do…to try? Perhaps right now it’s just a possibility – a possible “you” who runs marathons or writes poetry or smiles or creates amazing things or forgives or learns or teaches or skydives? Do you have a vision of yourself beyond who you are today? What will push you - take you - beyond your fear (that same old childhood fear, all grown up) that you don’t have what it takes, that you can’t do it, you’d never make it?

How about re-thinking your self-image rather than assuming it can’t be done?

Can you make that dream, that vision, a reality?

Go on…I dare you!

(photo courtesy of Elaine MacCorkle)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A Loving Reflection


Here in Dublin tonight – or the early hours of the morning – the wind is raging. Trees bend low and silhouette branches dance wildly. Jet lag has me up and at the computer…a month in the US was enough to re-set my body clock, I guess. Looking at the date of my last entry, I see I’ve been away for a while now. In the interim I had one of the most powerful, meaningful and fulfilling experiences of my life: the privilege of caring for my sweet, sweet sister-in-law, Kathy, through her last stages of pancreatic cancer. At the age of 54, Kathleen C. Delaney died on the morning of August 12th.

I still do not have words to explain, or even a full understanding of what this experience means to me. They will come in time.

I do not know how I could possibly translate the immeasurable dimensions of what she brought to what are now the immeasurable parts of me. Some things cannot be bounded or contained.

I do not know exactly how the precious, golden strands of Kathy, and my time with, her will be woven through the fabric of my life. I need more distance to see the pattern clearly.

But, what I do know is this: Our time together, as well as her attitude, dignity and strength have provided me with a multitude of gifts, a lifetime of contemplation and many lessons that will unfold. Her presence will be with me always.

I also know that I am more resolute than ever in my desire to live life “on purpose”; to help others listen to and follow their hearts so they can live their lives on purpose – so they can create a purposeful life.

Kathy, dear heart, you were – are – the most elegant of teachers, and I am so deeply grateful for the gift of your life.

Friday, July 01, 2005

Thoughts at the end of the work week...


In my work as a life coach I am privileged to witness powerful change and growth in my clients over relatively short periods of time. Facilitating and observing this process of change leaves me exhilarated, humbled, fulfilled and renewed in my desire to make a contribution to, and a difference in the world, one person at a time. I am moved by the invitation to journey with people who want to make changes in their lives.

Some changes are smaller than others. Some are quite profound. But, in each case I am invited not only to facilitate, but also to witness a change in someone’s way of being in this world.

This work changes me; it inspires me. It deepens my appreciation for each day I am given on this earth; helps me live in the now while still moving forward into the life I’m creating.


Standing so close to such positive energy, hope, passion, determination, commitment and joy feeds my soul and renews my energy for working, living and laughing.

I am deeply grateful for the gift of my clients.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Doing What Comes Naturally


This is a VERY cool project: http://www.wwt.org.uk/supergoose/

If you allowed yourself to do what comes naturally, where might you fly?


(photograph: Johan Oli Hilmarsson/WWT)

Today is rich
with possibility...

How will I choose
to live it?



Two Lights, Cape Elizabeth
second home...home to my soul.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Stages 1 & 2: Precontemplation and Contemplation

PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE

"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem."

This quote from G. K. Chesterton starts a paragraph explaining the Precontemplation Stage in Changing for Good. People in this stage generally have no intention of changing their problematic behaviour. It's not a problem for them, so why should they change? Everyone around them can see the problem except the "precontemplator". And, if you can get them to consider changing, it's usually to stop what they see as the constant criticism coming from those around them. They'll go to therapy, try a diet, stop drinking for a day, just to shut people up. Their chances for success are doomed, but they can say they tried.

People in this stage generally don't have much information about their problem, and they'd like it to stay that way. Ever try getting someone in denial to see a movie or read an article about the consequences of obesity, drinking or smoking?

If someone in this stage should begin to think about change, they may feel helpless to change their behaviour. Encouragement and being supportive - not nagging! - will be helpful in supporting someone through change. For the person who has the desire to change, it's very helpful to engage the help of people you love and trust. You'll need to rely on their eyes and ears for a while. Avoid negative people; their criticisms and personal attacks will only fortify your defenses, making awareness of your problem and it's consequences extremely difficult.

Helpful Strategies
  • Remember that change is a cycle, and there are other stages to move through. You don't have to stay stuck.
  • Allow those who care about you to help you
  • Identify your defenses
  • develop openness and awareness

CONTEMPLATION STAGE

In this stage people are aware of their problems. They are open to the possibility of change. Generally, they have plans to take action in the next six months or so. This is not the same as making a commitment to action. It's too soon. This is what happens on New Year's Day. We know we need to make some changes, and we commitment to action on the magical date of January 1st, no matter whether we're ready for action or not. It's New Year's Day and off we go. On January 10, we're usually back to our New Year's Eve behaviours. Why? It's as simple as this: We know what's wrong, what needs to change. We know what we need to do to make the change. But, we're just not ready.

The institution of New Year's Resolutions pressures us into premature action. Or maybe, as in the case above, it's the nagging and criticism of family and friends. Either way, we haven't done the groundwork needed for successful change, and what's needed to move into the next stage of change.

Helpful Strategies

  • Get information about the problem and possible solutions
  • Define your goals in concrete, achievable and measureable terms (I want to lose ten pounds within the next 2 months; I want to quit smoking and use the money saved for a long weekend away this year)
  • Collect data (how much do you currently smoke, weigh, drink, spend, work? What would be healthier/more reasonable?)
  • Stop and think before you act. Ask yourself, why am I doing this?
  • Reflect on your behaviour: (What do I gain by staying in this job?)
  • Create a new self-image. Ask yourself these questions: How would you feel about yourself if you made this change? How would others feel about you if you made this change?

Two words of caution here...It can be easy to stay stuck in the Contemplation Stage. I know, I've done it myself. What does that look like? Substituting thinking for acting. Reading about the problem and solutions, talking about the problem and solutions, but not actually doing anything about them. Sound familiar? Sometimes fear of failure can keep us stuck here as well. You'll only fail if you don't try!

Next Friday I'll talk about the next two stages - Preparation and Action.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Can't Get There From Here....Or Can You?

Welcome back to the second in a six-part series about Change.

Doctors James Prochaska, John Norcross and Carlo DiClemente have challenged and revolutionized the way we think about change. In their book Changing for Good, they have identified six stages of change (listed below) and offer suggestions of how to successfully move from one stage to the next.

This is quite different from most of our thinking which usually imagines us going from Point A - our current state, which might be smoking, overweight, stressed, depressed, drinking too much or maybe feeling stuck in life - to Point B, where we're not smoking, overweight, stressed, depressed, have our drinking under control and are blissfully happy with our work and partner and living a fulfilling life. We know what we're doing now and where we are, and we don't want to be there anymore.

So what do we do? Go on a diet maybe, throw out all our cigarettes or devise a system to cut down; we try to think happy thoughts and be grateful for what we have, and limit our drinking. We buy the books, read the articles and with great gusto enter into not practicing the behavior that's making us unhappy. We are motivated. We are committed.

Then Day 3 arrives. Or Day 4. Or maybe even Day 7 or 14. Our enthusiasm and motivation have waned, and suddenly we're back where we were - eating, smoking, depressed, stressed and with the added burden of feeling worse about ourselves and feeling more stuck than ever. What happened?

Each stage in the Cycle of Change has its own strategies for success and moving forward, so once you identify where you are in the cycle when you begin, you ensure a greater chance of success by applying the appropriate strategies. This is why it's important to know where you are in order to make sure you'll get where it is that you want to go!

This also suggests that we're always in a cycle of change. Sounds good to me. Change isn't a conveyer belt I need to hop onto - it's organic and ongoing. And, according to this system, it isn't a linear progression. We move in and out of different stages on our way to the success of the next stage. We need to look at the behavior we want to change, the goal we want to achieve in light of where we are in the Cycle of Change with that particular behavior. Once we can identify where we are then we can apply proven methods of support for that change.

When you look at change through this model, you can easily understand why we may have been (repeatedly) unsuccessful in the past: we've applied the wrong strategies for change to the wrong stage. We put the cart before the horse, so to speak.

Here are Prochaska's Six Stages of Change. Think about a change you want to make in your own life. Can you identify which stage you're in?

1. Precontemplation or Denial: Everything is fine just the way it is (in spite of what your
doctor, spouse, friends or workmates tell you!)
2. Contemplation: Beginning to acknowledge the problem.
3. Preparation: Planning to take action within the next 6 months
4. Action: Modifying behavior and surroundings
5. Maintenance: Sustaining new behavior
6. Termination: Former problem no longer presents a threat or temptation.

NEXT WEEK: We'll look at steps one and two, and some strategies for movement.


Friday, June 03, 2005

It's the SMALL STEPS that lead to BIG CHANGES

Hello and Welcome:
This is the first in a series about Change. Successful Change, to be specific. I will post a new article each Friday for the next six weeks, each addressing a different feature of change.

Whether you want to lose weight, increase your productivity, find more time, get more energy, find your focus, change career or any other change you desire to make, research shows that long-term, successful change is the result of small, incremental changes.

The logic is straightforward. If you take a small step and make a small change, two things happen: a) you experience a sense of control over your life, and b) you feel a sense of accomplishment and success, and there's no motivation like success!

It takes 21 days to create a new habit and only 72 hours to lose it, so you can see the wisdom of small steps. You are much more likely to integrate a small change for three weeks than you will a larger change. But even more than that, if you set out to accomplish a large change all at once, anything short of that change is failure. And what happens when we fail? Not only do we revert to what is familiar behaviour, our self-esteem takes another knock, and we miss an opportunity to celebrate a sweet success.

When we set ourselves a course for change, it's important to plot waypoints along the course that leads to our final destination - or desired change. In nautical or navigational terms, waypoints are stopping points along the journey. They break the larger journey into smaller "chunks". Always headed toward your final destination, you get there by navigating waypoint to waypoint. Waypoints are an opportunity to measure how far you've come and also opportunities to celebrate, look around, and get some support for the next leg of the journey. They're the small steps leading to change. Let me give you a personal example.

I want to have a wonderful website that will inform clients and prospective clients about me, and my own unique approach to the life coaching work that I do. A good website can also be a excellent marketing tool. But, as I said in my first blog...I'm a technophobe. There's a lot I have to learn about web design - even if I were to hire someone to do that for me. There's so much to consider and make informed decisions about: content, colour, graphics, fonts, links, resources, etc. And for me, learning is going to take time. To get a site up and running feels way too big for me right now. So, I've broken my goal down into "do-able" chunks.

The first was to start this blog - my first venture into the cyberworld. My goal with the blog was a modified website idea - a place where my clients and prospective clients could get an idea of who I am and how I see the world. Marketing is another area in which I have little to no knowledge. All I know is that whatever marketing I did it had to be authentic and congruent with who I am.

So, trusting that the best way to use the blog would "show up", I simply wrote until it did. I wrote to get into the habit. I wrote to become comfortable. I wrote to wait. And then, this morning, I knew what to do. That's why this is the first of a series I'll be writing about Change.

My goal: to have an amazing, interesting and dynamic website as a marketing tool
First Waypoint: creating a blog
Second Waypoint: creating a series on Change

Where to next? Don't know. I'll continue to learn about website design. Right now, though, I'm thoroughly enjoying creating this series on Change.

Next Friday: Cycle of Change (or the importance of knowing where you are now in order to know how to get where you're going!)

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Sounding

My eyes are closed. This is what I hear: traffic, rounding the corner or continuing down the other street; the tram carrying people from town; a dog barking; the click of the key pad; a child hollering in protest; and above it all the glorious song of a black bird inviting me to rise as high and as strong as his song.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Showing Up

I've made the decision -many, many times, I might add - to do yoga stretches each morning. I know that it's good for my body, soul and mind. But somewhere between good intentions and a great start, my motivation wanes, and my stretching sessions become farther and few between, until all that's left is my guilt at not doing something I know is good for me. Really good for me. I have arthritis and a chronic lung disease, and gentle yoga stretching can make a huge difference in how I feel in my body. I can have a mind that overloads itself with ought-to's, and a never-ending list of things to do or didn't do or should have done. My half hour of stretching in the morning helps to quiet my mind. At the end of a session my spirit is peaceful because there has been a connection between mind, body and soul. You'd think this kind of a pay-off would keep me hooked, right? Wrong. Go figure.

Well, I'm back to stretching, and have been for the past month. Initially I said I would do it "today." The next day I said I would do it "today". Those days were strung into a week, and I felt the improvement everywhere. I was pleased with myself that I "showed up" every day. Then I commited to myself that I was going to continue this every morning. A huge step, considering one day at a time was working so well! But this time feels different, and I've been wondering why. I can't say it's because I really want to do it this time, because I always want to do it at first. This is what I've figured out:

I'm doing it because I know it's a good thing for my body, mind, and spirit - not because I want to. "Wanting" to comes and goes - the benefit for my body is constant. So whether or not I feel like doing it doesn't fit into the equation. It's just what I do in the morning. Every morning. Like brushing my teeth and all the other morning ablutions, I stretch. It's simply what I do. Taking that time isn't dependent on the weather, my mood, my aches and pains, whether we've got company, whether I've had a good night's sleep or what I have on the day's agenda. Somewhere after my morning tea and before breakfast, I stretch.

So far it's working and my legs, my arms, my neck all feel great. My back is sore, but not because of the stretching. I know it would be worse if I didn't stretch. Now that I have this bit of insight I'm going to take a rummage around in the rest of my life and see if I can apply the same principle: I'll do it because it's what I do. Making change is difficult. Changing the way I approached stretching seems to be as important as the physical act itself. Maybe more. I'll let you know. Meantime, I'll keep showing up on the mat.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Purposeful Life Journal

This is a rather momentous occasion for me. I'm jumping into the Blogosphere, head first, heart thumping, and spirit believing that this is the next right step for me.

I'm going to save this page for a very long time. I'll save it to use as a benchmark so that in six months, or 12 months, or two years I can see the distance I've come, the journey I've made. But that's not the most important reason.

I'm going to save it to remind myself that I took a risk, a really big risk, and ventured into another area where the only light I could see was on the step right in front of me. You have no idea of just how little I know about internet technology. The word "technophobe" comes to mind.

So, I'm going to save this post as a monument and celebration to Trying Something New - shaky on confidence, but firm in the belief that this is how confidence continues to grow...one step at a time.

Off I go. I'm glad you're joining me on my journey of creating a purposeful life.