Maggie Butler, msw

Catching up, Self-Care and Creativity

2008-02-11T13:42:00.000Z

Time certainly does fly. When I look at the date of my last entry, I'm amazed.

There is a little book that I read from every morning, that gently reminds me that every day is a new beginning. With each new day we get to start all over again! Learning to take advantage of this is the real trick, I think.

So, here I am, starting all over again, once again. It's been a busy year for me. I have presented a number of retreats with some pretty amazing women. Whether the retreats have been about self-care and writing/creativity, the same underlying message has been present: When women look after themselves their creativity is nurtured, their energy is re-fueled, their focus is sharper and their relationships enhanced. It's fun for me to find creative ways to empower women to take a look at what self-care could look like in their lives.

Picture: Release your Inner Writing Goddess!

It was also enormously satisfying to lead In Your Write Mind...what is now my signature retreat. Leading this retreat allows me to nurture my own creativity and provide a safe, non-judgmental atmosphere for other women to unleash theirs, too. The results of this weekend were awesome. The women couldn't believe what they were capable of writing! There was no experience necessary - just a desire to explore their creativity through writing. Amazing what taking a little time out for one's self can do!

I'm offering this retreat again in May at the Rowe Center, in Massachusetts. If you go to Current Offerings at http://www.maggiebutler.net/ you can find out more information about it, as well as two other retreats: Gift of the Sea , a weekend retreat based on Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Gift From the Sea, and One Fine Day - A one-day retreat where we'll look at how to expand our concepts of self-care, and how to integrate them into our busy lives.

I heard something the other day that bears repeating: We can gamble with our health or we can invest in it. I really love the way this captures a bottom line. It's similar to "We can find the time to take care of ourselves or we'll take the time to be sick".

What I'll add is this: We can gamble with our health or our well-being, or we can invest in it.

And...in terms of finding the time? We'll probably never find time for anything. Where exactly do you look for time? Under the carpet? Behind the sofa? In the back of a drawer? You get it...we don't find time. We TAKE time. No one will hand us time - extra or otherwise. We take it, and then we choose how we'll spend it.

I think it makes eminent sense to choose how we'll spend it, rather than having that choice made for us through stress-related illness.

When is the last time you took a break? When is the last time you gave yourself permission to curl up with a book during the daytime? Or go outside for a walk during lunchtime? How do you make time for your creativity to express itself?

Here's an invitation: Make a commitment to yourself that you will do one nice thing for yourself today...something as nice as you'd do for someone you love.

Drop a line and let us know what you do for self-care. What do you do to nudge your creativity?

They just don't get it....

2007-04-30T03:26:00.000+01:00

There are a number of things I could write about in this entry....the amazing women's retreat I led last weekend (Gift of the Sea, which I'll write about tomorrow - I promise!), my retreat coach certification (which happened in Colorado in March), the horrible Nor'easter we experienced here in Maine two weeks ago tomorrow...but this is what I'm writing about today:

We need a new refrigerator, and so while at Home Depot to get a couple of adaptor plugs, I wandered over to their appliance department to check out their fridges. There were quite a few: this is Home Depot, after all. While walking past the absolutely huge double door fridges, I happened to put my hand on one. It felt cold. I stopped and opened it, to find that it was in fact plugged in and running. I went to another refrigerator...same thing. I didn't check every single refrigerator there, but the 6 or 7 that I checked were all plugged in...nice and cold, as a refrigerator would be in one's home. I was incredulous. I couldn't believe that these refrigerators - all of them empty - were plugged in and running. Can it be that Home Depot has not heard about global warming? Do they know where electricity comes from? Are they unaware of the concept "carbon footprint"?

When I told my husband I was going to find the store manager to register my complaint and request that they sell their refrigerators at room temperature, he decided to pay for our purchases and wait by the door. He was, in a word, embarrassed. Undeterred, I went to the customer service desk and requested to speak with the manager. When she arrived, I politely told her about the refrigerators and that I thought this blatant waste of electricity was insanity. As far as I knew, millions of refrigerators had been sold without being plugged in and using electricity unnecessarily, and that I thought this practice was irresponsible on their part. She told me that many customers like to see how cold a refrigerator is before they purchased it.

I can't add anything to this statement. I think it speaks for itself - and the consumers who need to have a refrigerator plugged in to see how cold it is before they buy it.

This is only one Home Depot store, but, tonight I'm wondering - is this common practice? So, this is my challenge to you readers: go to your Home Depot, or some other big box store, and see if they have their empty refrigerators plugged in. See if they have them plugged in and running for the consumer who has to see how cold a refrigerator is before they purchase it. And, if they are (senselessly) running all 20 - 30 models, 12 hours a day, 7 days a week - perhaps you could complain to the manager or the district manager or the regional manager or whomever it is that thinks this makes sense, or is justified by the profit from selling a refrigerator.

While the rest of us are shutting off lights in rooms as we leave, reading from the cold orange or green light that comes from energy saving bulbs, driving low mileage cars, recycling and generally trying to reduce our carbon footprint...isn't it great to know there's enough electricity being generated to chill empty refrigerators and freezers for endless American consumerism? Isn't it just great to know that our finite, non-renewable fossil fuels are being used so judiciously?

P.S. The store manager I spoke to said she agreed with me and would pass my complaint on to the regional manager. We'll see what happens.

You've got to accent-uate the positive...

2007-03-15T16:51:00.000Z

No bars hold - springtime in the city

Dublin, 4:30 p.m.

I am, it would seem, an inconsistent blogger. However, as I note the consistency with which I am inconsistent, it would appear that I am perhaps more consistent than I give myself credit for!

That, my friends, is a re-frame. Go ahead and laugh, but re-frames actually serve a valuable purpose. By re-framing, I begin writing with a smile on my face and feeling pretty good about the information I want to share with you. If I didn't re-frame, at the very least I might have entertained some thoughts that were negative like: I just can't seem to organize myself very well to find time to write; all the other coaches, retreat coaches, writers - in fact the whole human race manages to find time to make regular blog entries; I should probably give up blogging altogether.

All that negativity would have zapped my energy, and left me feeling inadequate about my organizational skills. NOT good motivation for change. Accentuating the positive isn't putting your head in the sand...it's acknowledging the other part of reality - the light side to the shadow side - which allows us to move forward rather than staying stuck in a puddle of low self-esteem. Try it! A little positive attitude will go a very long way!

A lot has been happening in my world over the past few months. New Year's in Dallas with my amazing GrandBaby (can anyone imagine they could possible feel this way about another human being?), and at the end of January I led a fabulous retreat here in Ireland called "2007, Your Best Year".

Eight women from Ireland and the U.S. gathered to dream bold dreams, create visions and intentions and commit to supporting each other in achieving those intentions throughout the coming year. They learned, exchanged ideas, did some creative artwork around their intentions and came up with action plans that will act as beacons guiding them toward their goals. It was an amazing group of creative women: a photographer, a jewelry designer, a fashion designer, a very special administrative and marketing woman whose passion is to support the work of other women (and when I'm ready to hire a Virtual Assistant, she's my first choice!), two tax consultants and a reflexologist/reiki/Indian head massage practitioner. There was a lot of talent and creative energy there!

In terms of my own professional development, I was in Colorado a few weeks ago for a 5 day Retreat Coach training, and also received my certification as a Retreat Coach from Mountain Coaching in Beulah, Colorado.

I was there with 14 other retreat coaches, to learn, grow, share resources, have fun and restore my balance - exactly what a retreat is for! The Colorado blue sky and and air were both crisp and clear. I'm sure the B&B where we were staying was just glowing or emanating some kind of energetic waves out into the universe because 14 retreat coaches gathered together under one roof was one powerful experience.

I've returned energized, positive and full of ideas and enthusiasm for my April retreat Gift of the Sea, to be held on the coast of Maine April 20 - 22. Check out my website for more information. If you love retreating, if you love Maine....this is the place for you! This retreat is based on Anne Morrow Lindbergh's book Gift from the Sea, and is an opportunity to nourish yourself in order to truly enjoy and sustain your relationships with others. Bottom line? We can't give what we don't have. This isn't being selfish with our resources - time, money, etc. It's being self-caring. Take a look and see what you think. The retreat centre, sitting right on the ocean, and near an Audobon Sanctuary, is a former convent that hosts multi-and non-denominational retreats.

Next post I'll include some pics of my Colorado retreat and I'll write about vision boards, sometimes called dream boards. They're a wonderful and powerful tool for focusing on your intentions. I'm also gathering some resources from some talented women that I'll post here as well.

Be well,

Maggie

Life Goes On...

2006-08-27T19:35:00.000+01:00

I've been so involved in living my life these past months, that I haven't taken the time to write about it. And, much has happened.

On July 28 my first grandchild, Isobel Grace, was born. I have become a GrandMother.

My daughter and her husband asked me to come to Dallas for the birth of their child, and of course I said YES! I arrived on the 11th of July, met by a very pregnant daughter and temperatures of 100+ degrees. Quite a difference from Dublin, I can tell you. Since I have been here, Texas has had over 40 days of triple digit temperatures. (I never thought I would say that I was looking forward to the weather cooling down to mid to high nineties, which is the case this weekend).

Izzie has brought so many gifts to my life in the month that she's been on this planet: seeing my beautiful daughter enter into motherhood (and a flood of memories, long forgotten, of tiny details about her birth and my own tentative first steps into motherhood); getting to know my lovely son-in-law in a way that wouldn't be possible under other, less intense, circumstances; watching the three of them together, and perhaps the greatest gift of all ~ making a contribution to the sense of security and self-esteem of this amazing little being (who seems to grow like time-lapse photography before our very eyes!) as she begins her way in this world. I know I could go on and on, but don't worry...I won't!

With the weather so hot, I can't go walking outside. So, within a few days of being here, I joined the local gym on a month-to-month basis. I've been going almost every day, using the treadmill, and eliptical as well as some resistance training for the old bones.

In addition to providing the opportunity to get some exercise, going to the gym has been a wonderful people watching opportunity as well. The treadmill is on the second level of the gym, so with Chicago, Rod Stewart or the Beach Boys singing away in my ears, I get a wonderful bird's-eye view of the world of weight machines down below. Fantastic grist for a writer/life coach's mill, I can tell you.

There is a quote on the opposite wall to where I usually "tread", and I've spent a good bit of time contemplating on it. There is no name attributed to it, so I cannot give credit where credit is due. Nonetheless, I'll share it with you; perhaps it will encourage you. (Clearly, this isn't only about physical strength):

Don't ever let weakness convince you that you lack strength.

More later.

Meanwhile... celebrate life (including your own!)

Jet Lag

2006-01-18T00:08:00.000Z

Many of my friends, colleagues and clients think dividing my time between Maine and Ireland is very glamorous. Well, after almost two weeks of interrupted sleep - or no sleep at all, I'm here to tell you - glamorous is not a word I would use! Maybe because I spend such long periods of time away in the States (three months this time) it takes my body such a long time to re-set it's clock. (It's having a bit of trouble differentiating A.M. and P.M. at the moment.)

Going over isn't so bad because I gain five hours. But, coming back to Ireland I lose five hours, and boy, is my body desperately trying to find them! I'm used to being asleep by 11:00 and up by 5 or 6:00. I love those early hours before the world and the rest of the house gets up.

I'm enormously grateful that I'm able to do this travelling back and forth. And, I wouldn't have it any other way. But, it just seems the older I get, the harder it is to bounce back. I should take a picture of myself with rings under my eyes, my hair on end like I've put my finger in a socket and swollen ankles. Then, when someone comments on how glamorous my life is, I can pull out the picture....Oh, yeah? You think this glamorous!

Being awake during the night has brought a wonderful, unexpected pleasure: hearing birds sing all night long. With all the traffic noises stopped, no children shouting, the train not running, no stereo, or television - only the odd alarm going off now and then....there are a couple of birds who just sing away all night long. I wonder kind what they are? Perhaps one of these nights I'll go online and look it up. There's a thing to do, now!

We left in a snowstorm, for the second year in a row. Cold, too. It was in the minus single numbers shortly before we left. Contrast that with Dublin, where on my evening walk tonight I saw daffodils starting to shoot up. They'll be bobbing their little yellow heads in the wind by mid-February. Temperature was almost 50F the other day. Some of the geraniums in our window boxes are still in bloom, and my camellia tree outside the door is getting ready to blossom next month, too. A walk down to the back garden this morning led to our passionflower vine. I'd say some of those blooms will be open in the next couple of days. That's the picture I've attached here. It will bloom all the way through the Autumn.

I know it sounds like a tropical paradise - next to Maine, anyway - but even though the temperature doesn't get really low, it gets very damp, making the temp seem much colder. Winter here is about more rain than usual (is this possible, you ask?), lots of wind and damp, damp, damp. I do a lot of work sitting by the fire during the afternoons.

February isn't just spring flowers blooming...it's also when we begin to see a lovely "stretch" in the day, as they say here. One magical evening in February, it will be remarkably lighter, just that little bit later, and all hope is renewed! It's absolutely amazing what 15 extra minutes of daylight can do for the spirit.

It's taken me 13 years to appreciate the subtle nuances of Ireland. I hope I discover more. It's nice to notice them when I return; nice to get back to friends whom, after all this time, I can consider "old" friends; lovely to return to book club. The other part of my life is back to the West, now...over the Shannon, over the mid-lands, over the Cliffs of Moher, across the Atlantic, and spread across the United States: Maine, Texas, Massachusetts, New York, Florida, Maryland, Virginia, Colorado, Washington, California, North Carolina, Toronto and so many other places, where my heart is held in trust, until I return.

Jet lag or not...I am very blessed.

Still....it's after 1:00 a.m., and I'd just love to be sleeping....

If you'd like to subscribe to my Living Your Life On PurposeNewsletter, send an e-mail to mgblifecoach@yahoo.com and put SUBSCRIBE in the subject line.

information super-Highway Bloggery

2005-12-20T20:08:00.000Z

A few months ago I had several people leave SPAM in the comments section of several of my blog entries. The reason this really ripped me was because they were - wait for it! - Life Coaches.

They read my entries and left remarks in which they sold their own services, offered classes, etc. Some were very blatant, others were much more subtle but they were clearly advertisements, nonetheless.

I won't waste my time telling you what I think of the ethics and level of professionalism of these individuals, who call themselves coaches. I mean really, who would want to hire someone who advertises themselves through someone else's work rather than taking the time to develop their own site?

So, for a few months I was not allowing any comments on my blog. But now, you may once again leave comments on the postings. You will, however, have to take one extra step which is to type in a word that will come up in a rather cryptic way. I'm sure you've done them before.

Hopefully this will keep out the unimaginative parasites who are unable to create their own voice and presence. We'll see, anyway.

Christmas... are we having fun yet?

2005-12-20T18:32:00.000Z

In my experience, the people who feel let down, resentful and even sad at the end of the holiday season are those who celebrate Christmas Day.

"WHAT?" I can hear you all the way over here!

It's true. Pinning all your hopes for fun, gaiety, cheer, quality family time, and looking for a good return on your shopping/preparing investment, places an unrealistic demand on the day that, in all likelihood, can't be realized. We might not even be aware that we're doing it. But each time we grumble about shopping lines, traffic jams, someone's bad behaviour, late deliveries, etc., we are unconsciously telling Christmas Day that it better come through with a good payoff for all this aggravation we're suffering in the name of Christmas.

What I have found is that the people who enjoy the holidays most are the ones who celebrate the holiday season. Some may start with the Solstice, lighting candles, bringing greens into the house, decorating the tree. Christmas shopping becomes a date with a friend, partner, or kids and often includes lunch or dinner. The difference is that all the preparations become occasions in their own right, rather than Christmas Day being the occasion itself. There's more behind those Twelve Days of Christmas than swimming swans, leaping lords, milking maids and golden rings, it seems!

Deciding how much money you're going to spend on each gift, how you'll choose to give the gifts (Chinese Auction, family grab bag, Secret Santa are just a few) can also be an occasion for a seasonal family get-together. Planning and shopping for the Christmas dinner can also be its own occasion. Forgoing regular supermarket aisles for speciality shops can make shopping feel like an occasion.

I suppose it's like any other process/outcome situation: The process offers its own beauty, value and gifts - which can be overlooked when we're focused only on the outcome.
So, rather focusing on the day itself, imbuing those 12 hours or so with the expectation that all the shopping, planning, cooking, baking, decorating and hopes for family peace will harmoniously converge for a 12 hour amazing, glossy-magazine, Kodak-moment Christmas experience...try making a celebration of the entire season, rather than treating it like a dress rehearsal for the "real" thing.

What living life on purpose means...One woman's thoughts

2005-12-08T21:30:00.000Z

I talk a lot about "living life on purpose", and I thought it might be a good idea to explain exactly what I mean when I say it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To me, we're living our lives on purpose when we live our lives with intention and mindfulness, rather than operating out of "default mode".

In computer-speak, default mode is a programmed response to repeated input: you don't have to make a choice, you're pre-programmed and "good to go". We don't stop and question the situation in front of us or our patterned response to it.

A good example of that is something I think most of us have experienced at one time or another: Think of a time when you were driving and suddenly realized you didn't remember passing the familiar landmarks necessary to get where you are because you were on auto-pilot or in default mode. Your mind was somewhere else, and your driving became an out-of-body experience. Yikes! What's worse is that some people lives their lives that way.

When we live your life on purpose we are:

Creating goals or intentions that lead to a fulfilling life of contentment and meaning
Aware that every action we take and decision we make with either bring us closer to or move us further away from the life we desire
Present to the moments of our lives.

Remember the driving metaphor above? Well, if life is a journey, we can choose not only the destination, but how we're going to get there!

Back Again!

2005-12-07T05:53:00.000Z

It's been a long time since I've made an entry, and I'm ready to be back. It's been a busy Autumn - I've been in Maine since October with trips to Canada, Dallas and Connecticut to keep me connected and on my toes in between planning workshops and working with clients here in the States. All in all, time has flown and....

The holidays are here, aren't they? I've made a conscious decision this year not to get "hooked" by all the commercialism and stress that has become the real Hallmark of the season. I got so annoyed when businesses started advertising their Christmas sales in early October in an effort to compete with fuel bills, and ensure their profit margins. The message was to buy your Christmas presents then and go in debt to pay for your fuel bills later. Bah Humbug!

Anyway, one of the things I've been working on with a colleague of mine is a gentle holiday survival guide we're calling The Twelve Days of Calmness. I've also been working on Living Your Life On Purpose Newsletter, the newsletter I've been threatening to launch for several months now. If you'd like to subscribe to this free newsletter, just e-mail me at mgblifecoach@yahoo.com and put "subscribe" in the subject box.

This first issue has some great information about the Winter Solstice and some thought-provoking questions. If you subscribe, I'll also send you a copy of Twelve Days...my gift to you in an effort to spread CALM throughout this holiday season.

Well, that's me done for now. I think in my next blog, probably on Thursday, I'll explain what I mean by Living Your Life on Purpose.

'Til then, be well.

Go Ahead...I Dare You!

2005-08-27T18:58:00.000+01:00

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid." (Audre Lorde)

“Go on – I dare you!”

Do you remember that childhood challenge?

Those words from the right bully or best friend could push us to do scary, unthinkable things…jump from crazy places, eat unspeakable things, venture into places we’d never dreamed. The vision, the desire to meet the challenge, sprouted up and grew right alongside our biggest fears. But somehow we got past our fear and went for it – we tried.

We jumped as high, ran as fast, swallowed as hard and swam as far as we could. We tapped into a hidden strength and felt a power we didn’t know we had until someone said, “I dare you.” We pushed ourselves through a limit, and then we saw ourselves in a new way. We became the Person Who Tried or The Person Who Did It. And magically, we were changed. Even though we thought we couldn’t. Even though we were scared.

What about now? Is there something you’d love to do…to try? Perhaps right now it’s just a possibility – a possible “you” who runs marathons or writes poetry or smiles or creates amazing things or forgives or learns or teaches or skydives? Do you have a vision of yourself beyond who you are today? What will push you - take you - beyond your fear (that same old childhood fear, all grown up) that you don’t have what it takes, that you can’t do it, you’d never make it?

How about re-thinking your self-image rather than assuming it can’t be done?

Can you make that dream, that vision, a reality?

Go on…I dare you!

(photo courtesy of Elaine MacCorkle)

A Loving Reflection

2005-08-24T02:40:00.000+01:00

Here in Dublin tonight – or the early hours of the morning – the wind is raging. Trees bend low and silhouette branches dance wildly. Jet lag has me up and at the computer…a month in the US was enough to re-set my body clock, I guess. Looking at the date of my last entry, I see I’ve been away for a while now. In the interim I had one of the most powerful, meaningful and fulfilling experiences of my life: the privilege of caring for my sweet, sweet sister-in-law, Kathy, through her last stages of pancreatic cancer. At the age of 54, Kathleen C. Delaney died on the morning of August 12th.

I still do not have words to explain, or even a full understanding of what this experience means to me. They will come in time.

I do not know how I could possibly translate the immeasurable dimensions of what she brought to what are now the immeasurable parts of me. Some things cannot be bounded or contained.

I do not know exactly how the precious, golden strands of Kathy, and my time with, her will be woven through the fabric of my life. I need more distance to see the pattern clearly.

But, what I do know is this: Our time together, as well as her attitude, dignity and strength have provided me with a multitude of gifts, a lifetime of contemplation and many lessons that will unfold. Her presence will be with me always.

I also know that I am more resolute than ever in my desire to live life “on purpose”; to help others listen to and follow their hearts so they can live their lives on purpose – so they can create a purposeful life.

Kathy, dear heart, you were – are – the most elegant of teachers, and I am so deeply grateful for the gift of your life.

Thoughts at the end of the work week...

2005-07-01T12:21:00.000+01:00

In my work as a life coach I am privileged to witness powerful change and growth in my clients over relatively short periods of time. Facilitating and observing this process of change leaves me exhilarated, humbled, fulfilled and renewed in my desire to make a contribution to, and a difference in the world, one person at a time. I am moved by the invitation to journey with people who want to make changes in their lives.

Some changes are smaller than others. Some are quite profound. But, in each case I am invited not only to facilitate, but also to witness a change in someone’s way of being in this world.

This work changes me; it inspires me. It deepens my appreciation for each day I am given on this earth; helps me live in the now while still moving forward into the life I’m creating.

Standing so close to such positive energy, hope, passion, determination, commitment and joy feeds my soul and renews my energy for working, living and laughing.

I am deeply grateful for the gift of my clients.

Doing What Comes Naturally

2005-06-25T18:04:00.000+01:00

This is a VERY cool project: http://www.wwt.org.uk/supergoose/

If you allowed yourself to do what comes naturally, where might you fly?

(photograph: Johan Oli Hilmarsson/WWT)

2005-06-25T09:43:00.000+01:00

Today is rich
with possibility...

How will I choose
to live it?

Two Lights, Cape Elizabeth
second home...home to my soul.

Stages 1 & 2: Precontemplation and Contemplation

2005-06-21T18:30:00.000+01:00

PRECONTEMPLATION STAGE

"It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem."

This quote from G. K. Chesterton starts a paragraph explaining the Precontemplation Stage in Changing for Good. People in this stage generally have no intention of changing their problematic behaviour. It's not a problem for them, so why should they change? Everyone around them can see the problem except the "precontemplator". And, if you can get them to consider changing, it's usually to stop what they see as the constant criticism coming from those around them. They'll go to therapy, try a diet, stop drinking for a day, just to shut people up. Their chances for success are doomed, but they can say they tried.

People in this stage generally don't have much information about their problem, and they'd like it to stay that way. Ever try getting someone in denial to see a movie or read an article about the consequences of obesity, drinking or smoking?

If someone in this stage should begin to think about change, they may feel helpless to change their behaviour. Encouragement and being supportive - not nagging! - will be helpful in supporting someone through change. For the person who has the desire to change, it's very helpful to engage the help of people you love and trust. You'll need to rely on their eyes and ears for a while. Avoid negative people; their criticisms and personal attacks will only fortify your defenses, making awareness of your problem and it's consequences extremely difficult.

Helpful Strategies

Remember that change is a cycle, and there are other stages to move through. You don't have to stay stuck.
Allow those who care about you to help you
Identify your defenses
develop openness and awareness

CONTEMPLATION STAGE

In this stage people are aware of their problems. They are open to the possibility of change. Generally, they have plans to take action in the next six months or so. This is not the same as making a commitment to action. It's too soon. This is what happens on New Year's Day. We know we need to make some changes, and we commitment to action on the magical date of January 1st, no matter whether we're ready for action or not. It's New Year's Day and off we go. On January 10, we're usually back to our New Year's Eve behaviours. Why? It's as simple as this: We know what's wrong, what needs to change. We know what we need to do to make the change. But, we're just not ready.

The institution of New Year's Resolutions pressures us into premature action. Or maybe, as in the case above, it's the nagging and criticism of family and friends. Either way, we haven't done the groundwork needed for successful change, and what's needed to move into the next stage of change.

Helpful Strategies

Get information about the problem and possible solutions
Define your goals in concrete, achievable and measureable terms (I want to lose ten pounds within the next 2 months; I want to quit smoking and use the money saved for a long weekend away this year)
Collect data (how much do you currently smoke, weigh, drink, spend, work? What would be healthier/more reasonable?)
Stop and think before you act. Ask yourself, why am I doing this?
Reflect on your behaviour: (What do I gain by staying in this job?)
Create a new self-image. Ask yourself these questions: How would you feel about yourself if you made this change? How would others feel about you if you made this change?

Two words of caution here...It can be easy to stay stuck in the Contemplation Stage. I know, I've done it myself. What does that look like? Substituting thinking for acting. Reading about the problem and solutions, talking about the problem and solutions, but not actually doing anything about them. Sound familiar? Sometimes fear of failure can keep us stuck here as well. You'll only fail if you don't try!

Next Friday I'll talk about the next two stages - Preparation and Action.

Can't Get There From Here....Or Can You?

2005-06-10T12:01:00.000+01:00

Welcome back to the second in a six-part series about Change.

Doctors James Prochaska, John Norcross and Carlo DiClemente have challenged and revolutionized the way we think about change. In their book Changing for Good, they have identified six stages of change (listed below) and offer suggestions of how to successfully move from one stage to the next.

This is quite different from most of our thinking which usually imagines us going from Point A - our current state, which might be smoking, overweight, stressed, depressed, drinking too much or maybe feeling stuck in life - to Point B, where we're not smoking, overweight, stressed, depressed, have our drinking under control and are blissfully happy with our work and partner and living a fulfilling life. We know what we're doing now and where we are, and we don't want to be there anymore.

So what do we do? Go on a diet maybe, throw out all our cigarettes or devise a system to cut down; we try to think happy thoughts and be grateful for what we have, and limit our drinking. We buy the books, read the articles and with great gusto enter into not practicing the behavior that's making us unhappy. We are motivated. We are committed.

Then Day 3 arrives. Or Day 4. Or maybe even Day 7 or 14. Our enthusiasm and motivation have waned, and suddenly we're back where we were - eating, smoking, depressed, stressed and with the added burden of feeling worse about ourselves and feeling more stuck than ever. What happened?

Each stage in the Cycle of Change has its own strategies for success and moving forward, so once you identify where you are in the cycle when you begin, you ensure a greater chance of success by applying the appropriate strategies. This is why it's important to know where you are in order to make sure you'll get where it is that you want to go!

This also suggests that we're always in a cycle of change. Sounds good to me. Change isn't a conveyer belt I need to hop onto - it's organic and ongoing. And, according to this system, it isn't a linear progression. We move in and out of different stages on our way to the success of the next stage. We need to look at the behavior we want to change, the goal we want to achieve in light of where we are in the Cycle of Change with that particular behavior. Once we can identify where we are then we can apply proven methods of support for that change.

When you look at change through this model, you can easily understand why we may have been (repeatedly) unsuccessful in the past: we've applied the wrong strategies for change to the wrong stage. We put the cart before the horse, so to speak.

Here are Prochaska's Six Stages of Change. Think about a change you want to make in your own life. Can you identify which stage you're in?

1. Precontemplation or Denial: Everything is fine just the way it is (in spite of what your
doctor, spouse, friends or workmates tell you!)
2. Contemplation: Beginning to acknowledge the problem.
3. Preparation: Planning to take action within the next 6 months
4. Action: Modifying behavior and surroundings
5. Maintenance: Sustaining new behavior
6. Termination: Former problem no longer presents a threat or temptation.

NEXT WEEK: We'll look at steps one and two, and some strategies for movement.

It's the SMALL STEPS that lead to BIG CHANGES

2005-06-03T14:42:00.000+01:00

Hello and Welcome:
This is the first in a series about Change. Successful Change, to be specific. I will post a new article each Friday for the next six weeks, each addressing a different feature of change.

Whether you want to lose weight, increase your productivity, find more time, get more energy, find your focus, change career or any other change you desire to make, research shows that long-term, successful change is the result of small, incremental changes.

The logic is straightforward. If you take a small step and make a small change, two things happen: a) you experience a sense of control over your life, and b) you feel a sense of accomplishment and success, and there's no motivation like success!

It takes 21 days to create a new habit and only 72 hours to lose it, so you can see the wisdom of small steps. You are much more likely to integrate a small change for three weeks than you will a larger change. But even more than that, if you set out to accomplish a large change all at once, anything short of that change is failure. And what happens when we fail? Not only do we revert to what is familiar behaviour, our self-esteem takes another knock, and we miss an opportunity to celebrate a sweet success.

When we set ourselves a course for change, it's important to plot waypoints along the course that leads to our final destination - or desired change. In nautical or navigational terms, waypoints are stopping points along the journey. They break the larger journey into smaller "chunks". Always headed toward your final destination, you get there by navigating waypoint to waypoint. Waypoints are an opportunity to measure how far you've come and also opportunities to celebrate, look around, and get some support for the next leg of the journey. They're the small steps leading to change. Let me give you a personal example.

I want to have a wonderful website that will inform clients and prospective clients about me, and my own unique approach to the life coaching work that I do. A good website can also be a excellent marketing tool. But, as I said in my first blog...I'm a technophobe. There's a lot I have to learn about web design - even if I were to hire someone to do that for me. There's so much to consider and make informed decisions about: content, colour, graphics, fonts, links, resources, etc. And for me, learning is going to take time. To get a site up and running feels way too big for me right now. So, I've broken my goal down into "do-able" chunks.

The first was to start this blog - my first venture into the cyberworld. My goal with the blog was a modified website idea - a place where my clients and prospective clients could get an idea of who I am and how I see the world. Marketing is another area in which I have little to no knowledge. All I know is that whatever marketing I did it had to be authentic and congruent with who I am.

So, trusting that the best way to use the blog would "show up", I simply wrote until it did. I wrote to get into the habit. I wrote to become comfortable. I wrote to wait. And then, this morning, I knew what to do. That's why this is the first of a series I'll be writing about Change.

My goal: to have an amazing, interesting and dynamic website as a marketing tool
First Waypoint: creating a blog
Second Waypoint: creating a series on Change

Where to next? Don't know. I'll continue to learn about website design. Right now, though, I'm thoroughly enjoying creating this series on Change.

Next Friday: Cycle of Change (or the importance of knowing where you are now in order to know how to get where you're going!)

Sounding

2005-05-26T15:37:00.000+01:00

My eyes are closed. This is what I hear: traffic, rounding the corner or continuing down the other street; the tram carrying people from town; a dog barking; the click of the key pad; a child hollering in protest; and above it all the glorious song of a black bird inviting me to rise as high and as strong as his song.

Showing Up

2005-05-24T16:55:00.000+01:00

I've made the decision -many, many times, I might add - to do yoga stretches each morning. I know that it's good for my body, soul and mind. But somewhere between good intentions and a great start, my motivation wanes, and my stretching sessions become farther and few between, until all that's left is my guilt at not doing something I know is good for me. Really good for me. I have arthritis and a chronic lung disease, and gentle yoga stretching can make a huge difference in how I feel in my body. I can have a mind that overloads itself with ought-to's, and a never-ending list of things to do or didn't do or should have done. My half hour of stretching in the morning helps to quiet my mind. At the end of a session my spirit is peaceful because there has been a connection between mind, body and soul. You'd think this kind of a pay-off would keep me hooked, right? Wrong. Go figure.

Well, I'm back to stretching, and have been for the past month. Initially I said I would do it "today." The next day I said I would do it "today". Those days were strung into a week, and I felt the improvement everywhere. I was pleased with myself that I "showed up" every day. Then I commited to myself that I was going to continue this every morning. A huge step, considering one day at a time was working so well! But this time feels different, and I've been wondering why. I can't say it's because I really want to do it this time, because I always want to do it at first. This is what I've figured out:

I'm doing it because I know it's a good thing for my body, mind, and spirit - not because I want to. "Wanting" to comes and goes - the benefit for my body is constant. So whether or not I feel like doing it doesn't fit into the equation. It's just what I do in the morning. Every morning. Like brushing my teeth and all the other morning ablutions, I stretch. It's simply what I do. Taking that time isn't dependent on the weather, my mood, my aches and pains, whether we've got company, whether I've had a good night's sleep or what I have on the day's agenda. Somewhere after my morning tea and before breakfast, I stretch.

So far it's working and my legs, my arms, my neck all feel great. My back is sore, but not because of the stretching. I know it would be worse if I didn't stretch. Now that I have this bit of insight I'm going to take a rummage around in the rest of my life and see if I can apply the same principle: I'll do it because it's what I do. Making change is difficult. Changing the way I approached stretching seems to be as important as the physical act itself. Maybe more. I'll let you know. Meantime, I'll keep showing up on the mat.

The Second Act

2005-05-21T05:22:00.000+01:00

I suppose we've all heard "It's about the journey, not the destination" more times than we'd like by now. Chestnuts like these risk become trite, which is really too bad because inside that prickly shell lies a truth. I imagine in the days before words of wisdom became commerical property (bumper stickers, kitchen magnets, coffee cups, aprons and cross stitch pillows) these gems floated around for quite some time before people got sick of hearing them. But, I (could easily) digress...back to the journey/destination question.

I tend to think that a lot more interesting stuff happens along the way as opposed to the "Ta Da" experience of arrival. What you have to do, and where you have to go to get there matter as much as the final destination. If you think of movies or novels, most of the story is about the protagonist getting "there". In story-terms it's about the hero's or heroine's journey; it's what makes them who they are when they finally get to their final goal or destination. It's the interesting part; it's where the action happens. In a film script it's the whole second act. It's the real story.

But you already knew that, didn't you? So, what I'm proposing is let's not wait until the end, or when we get there to celebrate. Let's cheer and clap even for the small stuff along the way. That small step we just took or are about to take might be a catalyst, a turning point or an epiphany. Or it may merely be a bridge to the next step - which can be pretty important when you're crossing a chasm.

Life on a Bookshelf

2005-05-18T15:43:00.000+01:00

My book club agreed on James Joyce's poignant masterpiece, The Dead, for our meeting next week. I knew I had Dubliners somewhere around the house - Joyce's collection of short stories set in and around Dublin. But, since we have more than 60 bookshelves of various lengths and heights in our house, (few of which are ordered with any rhyme or reason, never mind a decimal system), finding it would be an adventure. I should probably mention at this point that our book collection is actually the combined collection of two book-lovers, acquired over a total of 30 plus years each, so it's not surprising that a periodic trawl can reveal "new" or forgotten titles. It's really very cool. Like having your own little bookshop.

So, early yesterday morning, before the traffic began (both outside and inside the house) I took my cup of tea and a step-stool and began my search. That quiet, bird-song-only-hour was like a meditation for me. Much like a piece of music can do, the books brought me back to particular places and times in my life.

I thought about the younger woman who chose those books, the places and times where they were read, the circumstances that moved me to choose certain subjects, and I realized that my books are markers of my evolution and journey. My life is reflected on those bookshelves: high school (To Kill a Mockingbird was the first book to truly move me), motherhood, politics, history, poetry, multiculturalism, fiction of every description, economics, grieving, therapy, social work, feminism, cross/words (!), divorce, travel, humour, prayer, teaching, organizational communication, gardening, contemplation, meditation, women's health (both under and over 50), creating lives, building houses, music, keeping it simple, finding my cheese, figuring out why bad things happen to good people...it's all there - my attempts to enjoy, heal, and learn about the world and figure out life through humour, sadness, a sense of justice and a mind that's not always as open as I'd like. But I'm sure I have a book for that...

As I went through the books, I took down and set aside some of them for no reason at all, other than they "spoke" to me once again. Now I have two piles of books awaiting me - my summer reading.

I loved yesterday morning; loved re-visiting former lives, my younger self, in those early morning hours. It was like receiving an unexpected gift.

Oh, by the way - I found Dubliners between a book on Orientalism and menopause. It's on top of the summer reading pile now, and I'm looking foward with delicious anticipation to meeting those Dubs again.

Purposeful Life Journal

2005-05-17T01:14:00.000+01:00

This is a rather momentous occasion for me. I'm jumping into the Blogosphere, head first, heart thumping, and spirit believing that this is the next right step for me.

I'm going to save this page for a very long time. I'll save it to use as a benchmark so that in six months, or 12 months, or two years I can see the distance I've come, the journey I've made. But that's not the most important reason.

I'm going to save it to remind myself that I took a risk, a really big risk, and ventured into another area where the only light I could see was on the step right in front of me. You have no idea of just how little I know about internet technology. The word "technophobe" comes to mind.

So, I'm going to save this post as a monument and celebration to Trying Something New - shaky on confidence, but firm in the belief that this is how confidence continues to grow...one step at a time.

Off I go. I'm glad you're joining me on my journey of creating a purposeful life.